A New Perspective

Have you ever reached that point of life where you feel like your eyes are opened for the very first time? Because for me, that's how I've recently felt.

(Picture makes no sense but just wanted to add a little something)

I just came back from a walk with my roommate and I feel like I was stepping into a whole new world. I never thought that one day I would ever be good friends with her. You see, I've been so caught up with work last year that I never had the chance to connect with other people other than my gang - whom I am eternally grateful for loving me and sticking with me. Nevertheless, it felt refreshing to meet and get to know new people. While we were walking around campus, we had 3 different vehicles stop-by, to offer to take us home. What are the odds of that? I actually felt loved, no kidding. But anyway, the walk with her, and the conversations I have been having with people, positive people by the way, has really changed my perspective of things.

Recently I learned the importance of being alone. I've heard of 'masturdating' but now I truly understand it, it's really important to date yourself, and give yourself the time you deserve. Prior to this, I've always been worried about what people think or say about me. So.. self-conscious of others. But why did I let those opinions affect me? Because I wanted to be the perfect person, being able to please everyone. 

However, that's not quite right is it? 

I've always thought I needed to vamp myself up. Upgrade myself and blend in with the crowd. There is some truth in there but it's not all that right. Let me rephrase this.

Pleasing everyone is not right if you end up not being yourself.

People should love you for who you are, and accept you - personality-wise, how rude you are and so on, or even how sensitive you are. BUT, people can't love you, if you don't love yourself.

So anyway, I've always thought that people who went to movies or ate alone were sad people. Truth is, I thought that way because I was afraid of being alone myself. I craved for company. But now, it's refreshing to be alone, to do things alone, to be on my own. Actions like sitting in a corner with my own book and earphones plugged in are actually fun to me, eating alone is enjoyable because I get time to run my plans in my head. I've never actually appreciated being alone until more recently.

Some of you might think that it's sad but it's not. If anything, it's actually quite calming to be on your own. I'm not suggesting that we should all lock ourselves in our rooms and so on, but being alone gives you the opportunity to, for example, make new acquaintances in the cafeteria, or better yet, know yourself better. 

My recent trip to Thailand gave me the opportunity to remind myself that I didn't need a relationship in my life. True, a relationship, a partner is an amazing thing but being alone has its perks too. I become more brave and I can truly get out of my comfort zone. Being away from home reminded me that there is so much more out there waiting for me to explore. Really. For so long I was feeling contented with how my life was running that I forgot that there is much more, so much more that I can get from life. 

While this may seem ridiculous, I'm actually enjoying myself much more these days. (I just reread my post and I realize it might seem like I'm comforting myself but I tell you, I'm not. I'm really just expressing how I feel.) I get to do what I want, when I want to or where I want to. I stopped caring about what others thought of me, and started caring about my own happiness. Someone recently argues with me that happiness is not important, that it's not valuable but I beg to differ, happiness Is important. If you can't be happy, then for what reason do you live? Maybe we all have our own goals eh?

But what I'm trying to say is that, I feel like something has changed. And that I see things a little differently from before. So, I'm really grateful of where I am, who I am and who I have with me, especially the people who have been supporting me for the past few months. Thank you. And for those that I have subconsciously mistreated, I am sorry. I will never know if you read this, but I hope my actions can show you what I mean :)

So,

good night guys :)

Tasha