I Want You To Want

I want a lot of things in my life. And sometimes, I think I am greedy.
But if you asked me a year or two ago, I wouldn't have even dared ask for something actually. More specifically, I would not have dared to ask for something for myself.

For example, if I was in a group and someone said they wanted to go for sushi, I'd say okay. Even though I wanted maybe, pasta that day. (simple example)

That wasn't always the case though.

When I was younger, if I wanted to play with a toy, I'd ask.
If I wanted to read a book, I'd go ahead and get it myself.
If I had questions, I'd just raise my hand and ask but usually, I'd just jump into the conversation and ignore other people, to ask my questions.

However, somewhere along the way, I became the opposite.
I lost my voice and my gutsy self.
I was told that to question another was to be rude,
I was taught that to stand up was defiance,
And that to speak up was unbecoming of a girl.

Sometimes it got to me, sometimes it didn't.
Sometimes I wanted to fit in with the crowd (who wants to be an outcast right?),
but sometimes I want to be brave enough to say what I believe in.

I was always in a dilemma.

But one fine day, I spoke to a friend about this and she said this,
'It isn't selfish to want things for yourself Tasha. You ask for what you want.'

And slowly but surely, I applied this into my head and in the long run, I understood what it truly meant. And here's what I'd like to share,

1. You know what you need, better than anyone else
If you know what you want, and what you need in life. You go for it.
Don't let someone stop you. Don't let the words of others get to you.

2. You stand up for yourself 
Because no one else will. You need to speak up for what you believe in and if you don't, people will just take advantage over you. If you don't like someone always borrowing your make-up, tell her off!

3. Give yourself Your Life
Knowing what you want isn't being greedy at all. It isn't being selfish actually.
But it's about giving yourself the life you believe you deserve.

4. You do what you gotta do
Not every one will understand the struggles we go through. How we study hard to graduate well and fast because ultimately, this will ease your future burdens. Or how you have to work part-time during the weekends to reduce the burden of your family.
But you know what, you do what you gotta do and things will fall in place. Really.

5. Ask and it shall be served
Want your friend to go out with you? Ask! Want your family to spend more time with you? Ask.
If you don't ask, no one will ever know what goes through your head.

6. No one reads minds
A thing that we all think our best friends or partners could do. But no guys, nobody reads minds and no one knows what you really want, feel or need. Cakap saje

7. Standing up for your rights is totally fine
If you bought a pair of pants that has holes, go and change those damn pants. That's a lot of money. And if you do not like how someone is making use of you, tell them off!
Also, It is not defiance but protecting yourself.

8. Questioning is never rude
Well, don't always question the actions of your boss. BUT, if you do not understand anything, ask. Don't dwell on something for too long. Don't overthink. Clear the air by just asking if someone is mad at you or if you do not understand whatever your lecturer is talking about.
The only person who loses out is the person who stays silent.

9. Don't like it, Don't do it
If you don't like something, then don't do it.
If you don't like someone, just be normal friends.
Live a simpler life.
If you want to hang out with someone, just ajak. 
Don't wait for kingdom come okay?

Lastly, and this is for girls in particular
10. Do not let someone demoralise or downgrade you because of your gender
I have heard the most stupidest statements from people I know. Take for example,
'I don't believe in women leadership.'
'If you weren't that vocal, I'd date you.'
'If you were more subtle and gentle like most Chinese girls, this would have been easier.'

Needless to say, these friendships and relationships never worked out.

But girls, be who you are and who you have to be to get your word out there. If people can't love you for who you are, then let them go. The right people will come along.

That being said,
If you ever have someone giving you constructive criticism, take it.
If a lot and a lot of people don't like you, you might have to reconsider some things. What helps me most is talking to my closest friends and family.

and if being you means being sort-of an outcast, it's okay.
Because here's the scenario,

Would you rather be alone and contented with your life, happy inside or, 
would you rather be surrounded by a bunch of people and feel nothing but emptiness within?

Bring down the thunder if you have to.
Let's make the world alive with what you and I want.

Love,
Tasha Lim