Isolation
There was a time in my life that I felt the need to improve myself. Growing up, I didn't give a crap about what the world thought of me or how I would reflect my family. I just didn't care. I was always in my own world. Believing that I was going to fight this battle, it was me against whoever that came into my way. I think I was so into animes then that I thought I was a main character of one.
Then one day, I was sick of being looked down upon. So I took charge of my life and gave it my all. I tried my best in everything and started caring about things again. I took my music lessons seriously; I took studies seriously; I made the effort to grow taller (which failed, miserably haha) and many more. I cared about my image, how I reflected my family and to some, my race, my country. I realised that I was important, I had a place in this world. And even if I wasn't up to the standards of the world, I was going to work for it. And I did. When I reached the highest I thought I could ever go, I felt satisfied. Like I could die knowing that I had achieved what I wanted to all this while - making an impression in the lives I've known. Of course, hopefully, in a good way.
I was comfortable with where I was. Contented with life. Happy to just live it and see where my next adventure takes me.
Somewhere along the way though, I lost myself. I know I had lost a bit of myself in Form 6 due to the drama then but after one semester in university. Things changed. I remember when I entered, the Dean of my faculty had said that, "You'll go back home one day, just after one semester, and realise the changes this university has made in you." I laughed and thought of it as impossible. How can one semester change a person so much?
Then again, the only thing constant in life, is change.
There were a lot of things that happened. Some happened to me personally while in some cases, I was just a bystander. Which really, I would rather much be a bystander. I have learnt that not everyone can appreciate your differences. If you don't "fit in" with the current status quo, then you're out. If you don't change to be one of them, to join them, you're an outcast.
Well, that's a piece of total bullshit that's reality. A damn sad reality I should add.
I realise I live in a world where I have to please people. I have to paint a picture of myself which they will like, and not who I truly am. It is their views that count. When I think about what Facebook or Instagram or any other social site has done to us, it has really shaped us to be selfish individuals who seek to be recognized. But for what? Fame. Likes. It shouldn't be that way. I myself was caught up in all this nonsense as well. I forgot the true reason behind social websites. I forgot to be me. I forgot who I was and what made me, me.
Our current world, our current society focuses too much on "I". (ps: iPHONE.) Individualism should be celebrated but too much of it brings chaos. If everyone wants to be recognized individually, then where does unity come in?
I've been trying to be a person I'm not. And I'm tired. I lost myself without knowing that I did but at the same time, I have gained something. The situations and incidents that happened certainly did make me happy and also upset, but they have changed me. Positively or negatively. It has taught me many things, like who to be careful of, who to trust and what not.
I have a dream. And I have to find myself back to that path. To fulfill that dream. I need to stop getting side-tracked. After one semester, I've learned to rely on a few people that I know that I can count on. People I know who knows what it's like to be completely surrounded by people yet feel insignificant, to feel alone. I really am thankful to have this bunch of people. Even if it's sem break, they still talk to me and I'm blessed to have their love and care <3
Therefore, here I go, to a world that begins with isolation. To learn more about myself this semester break, indulge myself in things that used to make me happy and learn more about myself. At the same time, I want to reconnect and stay in touch with people who care, and not just people who want to know because they are curious. (Be careful who you tell your secrets to, some are truly caring, some just want to know, to gossip.)
Hopefully, before the new semester begins, I will have found myself again. Because I know I need all the strength I have and the support from family and friends to face that world again. If being me, means being alone or maybe, with only a small bunch of close people that can accept and understand me, then I will take it. I will count my lucky stars for having people that truly will be there. I would rather have people that matter and celebrate my joys and sorrow with me, then have people who are only there for the fun.
"The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind."
Love,
Tasha G Lim
ps:
My friend shared this on Facebook. It's really inspiring. Just so happen I saw this ahaha It goes with the point of this post.
Then one day, I was sick of being looked down upon. So I took charge of my life and gave it my all. I tried my best in everything and started caring about things again. I took my music lessons seriously; I took studies seriously; I made the effort to grow taller (which failed, miserably haha) and many more. I cared about my image, how I reflected my family and to some, my race, my country. I realised that I was important, I had a place in this world. And even if I wasn't up to the standards of the world, I was going to work for it. And I did. When I reached the highest I thought I could ever go, I felt satisfied. Like I could die knowing that I had achieved what I wanted to all this while - making an impression in the lives I've known. Of course, hopefully, in a good way.
I was comfortable with where I was. Contented with life. Happy to just live it and see where my next adventure takes me.
Somewhere along the way though, I lost myself. I know I had lost a bit of myself in Form 6 due to the drama then but after one semester in university. Things changed. I remember when I entered, the Dean of my faculty had said that, "You'll go back home one day, just after one semester, and realise the changes this university has made in you." I laughed and thought of it as impossible. How can one semester change a person so much?
Then again, the only thing constant in life, is change.
There were a lot of things that happened. Some happened to me personally while in some cases, I was just a bystander. Which really, I would rather much be a bystander. I have learnt that not everyone can appreciate your differences. If you don't "fit in" with the current status quo, then you're out. If you don't change to be one of them, to join them, you're an outcast.
Well, that's a piece of total bullshit that's reality. A damn sad reality I should add.
I realise I live in a world where I have to please people. I have to paint a picture of myself which they will like, and not who I truly am. It is their views that count. When I think about what Facebook or Instagram or any other social site has done to us, it has really shaped us to be selfish individuals who seek to be recognized. But for what? Fame. Likes. It shouldn't be that way. I myself was caught up in all this nonsense as well. I forgot the true reason behind social websites. I forgot to be me. I forgot who I was and what made me, me.
Our current world, our current society focuses too much on "I". (ps: iPHONE.) Individualism should be celebrated but too much of it brings chaos. If everyone wants to be recognized individually, then where does unity come in?
I've been trying to be a person I'm not. And I'm tired. I lost myself without knowing that I did but at the same time, I have gained something. The situations and incidents that happened certainly did make me happy and also upset, but they have changed me. Positively or negatively. It has taught me many things, like who to be careful of, who to trust and what not.
I have a dream. And I have to find myself back to that path. To fulfill that dream. I need to stop getting side-tracked. After one semester, I've learned to rely on a few people that I know that I can count on. People I know who knows what it's like to be completely surrounded by people yet feel insignificant, to feel alone. I really am thankful to have this bunch of people. Even if it's sem break, they still talk to me and I'm blessed to have their love and care <3
Therefore, here I go, to a world that begins with isolation. To learn more about myself this semester break, indulge myself in things that used to make me happy and learn more about myself. At the same time, I want to reconnect and stay in touch with people who care, and not just people who want to know because they are curious. (Be careful who you tell your secrets to, some are truly caring, some just want to know, to gossip.)
Hopefully, before the new semester begins, I will have found myself again. Because I know I need all the strength I have and the support from family and friends to face that world again. If being me, means being alone or maybe, with only a small bunch of close people that can accept and understand me, then I will take it. I will count my lucky stars for having people that truly will be there. I would rather have people that matter and celebrate my joys and sorrow with me, then have people who are only there for the fun.
"The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind."
Love,
Tasha G Lim
ps:
My friend shared this on Facebook. It's really inspiring. Just so happen I saw this ahaha It goes with the point of this post.
It really motivated my friend, and it did the same for me. I hope it does the same for you.
[taken from friend's post and the video:
" You spend so much time with other people, you spend so much time trying to get other people to like you, You Know Other People More Than You Know Yourself ! You studied them, you know about them, you wanna hang out like them you wanna be just like them, you invested so much time on them you don't know who you are ! I challenge you to spend time by yourself.
When you become the right person, what you do is you start separating yourself form other people, you begin to have a certain uniqueness. As long as you following other people, as long as you being a copycat, you will never ever be the best copycat in the world. But you will be the best you can be, I challenge you to find your value "
]
Good Night :)
Comments
Post a Comment