Figuring Meditation Out
One of the many habits which I am trying to force onto myself, is to meditate. One wonders, how hard can it be to take some time out, sit on the floor cross-legged and think of nothing? It may sound like the average person has it easy but for someone like me - whose mind can never quite sit still, it is one of the world's toughest challenges.
I can never sit still. The only time I ever stay in one position is.. if I'm sleeping. Though I am pretty sure that I toss and turn while I sleep so I give myself the estimation of maybe 1 hour tops of staying in one position while I'm asleep. If I'm awake, well, you'll see me constantly doing something - even in classes. Something just has to move.
I have managed to sum it up to a couple of reasons though. Firstly, the inability of my mind to shut up. Some people can zone out and think of nothing - I know a few friends who are masters of this. I on the other hand, have a handful of thoughts going through my head. For example, what do I have for dinner, what time is it now, what time should I jog today, what is xxx doing or is it okay if I did this and that. And these are only the ones that have to do with my own plans for today. My mind goes beyond by thinking about some people as well. The thing is, I am never in the present. Always in the past or future. Which is actually a bad BAD thing. It was previously because I found it very hard to focus when people spoke to me unless it was something really serious. Thankfully, I can make my mind listen to people talking now. I've managed to listen and not just hear.
BUT, it still is a problem for me to focus on just the present at times. I realized how bad it was during one night when I had my orchestra practise. Before practise, I was wondering what songs we'd play and where to sit. During the practise, I was counting the number of minutes before it ended while playing and looking at the conductor. At the same time, thinking if I should have supper. After orchestra, I was wondering if I had improved on my music while wondering what to do tomorrow morning. Things as such. These train of thoughts. Seems to be the problem.
While I attempt at meditation, I practise listening to one sound and focus on my breathing. You kind of want to breathe slowly, and take notice of it. The actual phrase for the whole meditation thing is 'Om Namah Shivaya' which means - 'I bow to Shiva, the supreme deity of transformation who represents the truest, highest self.' Personally, this phrase is a tad bit too long for the klutz that I am. Maybe after I've reached a higher level will I attempt that. Just as Liz does (again, Eat Pray Love - sorry for referring her so many times), she struggled with this issue. So she uses 'Ham-Sa' instead which means 'I am That'. There are many more explanations that goes with this but I will save that for another day. Meanwhile, I will try this for the next round of meditation session.
Another reason for me being unable to meditate is the distractions I allow myself. I don't make time for it. Like anything else, if you really want to improve yourself, you have to make time for it. It is just so tough, to let myself sit on the floor for 10 minutes and just meditate. It really does help with my focus for the rest of the day but I can be so stubborn - thinking that it is a chore rather than a necessity to help me focus. Just as I make time for my running, I think I have to learn to make time for this as well.
Lastly, my tolerance level or patience I should say. So easily am I swayed by emotions of irritation. Not only do I have a mind of 10 people constantly thinking in my head, I have the emotions of them as well. I can be happy for the first few minutes and sad within seconds. Angry when i recollect why I was sad and then depressed because there must be something wrong with me. Due to this, I find myself wanting to speed this whole self-improvement process. Is there a speed pack? NO. You have to go through this one step at a time. There are no cheats that you can rely on as per Left For Dead. A real bummer. So here goes to a long road of not only quieting the mind and making time, but to also train your patience level and ability to control your emotions.
Hopefully, all that I am learning and practising still lives on when I get back to university. Only a month left of my semester break and still so much more to learn.
Love,
Tasha Lim
PS: the cartoons are from The Awkward Yeti if you don't know about them!
PS: the cartoons are from The Awkward Yeti if you don't know about them!
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