The Day She Left
Anger. Anger was what filled me up. It wasn't sadness nor frustration but pure anger.
When you have opened up yourself to someone, and have them accept you as you are, it is the best feeling in the world. As such, when they leave, it is anger that consumes you. The anger caused from disappointment, and a spoonful of betrayal.
But I guess it is normal as you grow older. The bigger the age number gets, the number of unprecedented changes increase as well. The unsuspecting twists of life. You also become more wary of how life is not as sweet as you remember it to be as a child. What happened to rainbows and unicorns?!
This isn't a letter to any specifics but just an open letter.
It is natural for people to grow apart as they grow older. If the things that used to keep you together run out, or the paths that you lead are too different, it is only natural. Unless of course, you make exceptions for one another. They say 'great minds think alike'. Surely, there must be more reasons than one other than the obvious of complimenting each other. I believe the phrase runs a deeper meaning to it than that - that people who think alike naturally click and connect better.
Thus, it is not uncommon for friends who were together for a period of time - be it school friends, childhood friends or classmates, eventually life will take over and you will fall apart. Sometimes it is subtle, and as such remain as friends - the kind that know of each other's existence and with the help of Facebook and Instagram, are updated with each other's lives. Sometimes, it is more cruel, you fight and lose each other or those of that nature.
There are exceptions though. When both see the value of the friendship and continue to make efforts. Even if a fight does happen, both make an effort to rebuild the bond. The first time when we give someone our trust, it happens easier - naturally. However, once the string has snapped, it takes effort to put it back together - you'd need to tie a knot to keep the string together. You might or might not have moved on but the history remains that something did happen to make the relationship strain.
I use the word 'relationship' because just like any kind of relation between people, it is a relationship. To be precise, it is 'friendship' but is it not a form of relationship as well? The only difference between this and the common definition is that the latter involves more skinship than the former.
The day she left was a day that was bleak and miserable. No one wants someone important to simply walk out of their lives for reasons they cannot understand. Certainly, it is better than having no reasons but when the reasons make no sense to you, it takes time to heal that empty space in your life/heart.
Someone once told me that she was only a replacement of a previous friend because I spent a lot of time with her. That however, was never true. One person can never truly replace another. For me at least. Just as no one can replace my mother or my sisters, no one can ever replace the friends that were once important in my life. Each and every one of them had their own features, personalities and characters which made them so unique. How can anyone ever be a replacement?
Just like moving on from a bad love partner, I remember the person and the impacts they have made in my life but no one can replace them. They are simply a part of my past and the new one, is my present and hopefully, part of my future as well. This refers to any kind of relationship. I realize this is actually tough to explain but I hope this suffices.
The day she left is now a blur. Instead of more answers, you get more questions but there must come a time where you make peace with it, to make peace with the questions that can never be answered. As time passes, you'll figure out that it was for the best. Regardless if you like it or not.
Sometimes it's just the timing. It's odd because the people I was merely acquaintances with have now become important to me and vice versa. I'd like to take a moment to also acknowledge the people who have miraculously tolerated me for the past 22 years and have stuck by me. You guys are amazing. It's just how life works.
In the end, if it is meant to be, it will be. And life or fate, will somehow lead these people back into your life.
Love,
Tasha Lim
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