Just A Matter of Time

We can't always be happy and cheery now can we? 

There comes a time when you really just want a break, but you can't. 

And you're just so, weary of things that you can't even explain what's going on.

But don't worry. We'll be okay soon.

It's just a matter of time.

_____________________________________

I am tired. Beyond words, beyond description.
I wish I had a way to tell you what was going through my mind but I can't.
I wish I could just get rid of all these black smoke, but they just won't disperse.

I'm at one of those times where I feel weighed down.
From a lot of matters, from a lot of people.
But I know this is just a phase.
That this too will pass.

I feel like I'm stuck at the eye of a hurricane.

I see the mess that goes around me.
I see the consequences of things.
The movie that plays before my eyes.
The noise that fills the silence.

It's like I'm a third party in my own body.
My words and my actions are not my own.
Maybe I'm in the sunken place.
Where I see what is going on without being able to do anything.

Yet I am not paralyzed.

I am moving.
My lips are creating words.
It is my voice that I hear.
But why doesn't it sound like me?

I am functioning like always.
I know what I have to do, what I must do.
Acting and reacting as I should.
But this is all mechanical, automatic even.

So where am I?

I am there within me.
I am caught in a storm where I cannot escape.
I am being pushed and shoved, front and back.
I am stuck.

I have to get out.
I know I have to snap out of it.
But I need time.
And I want time.

That is all I ask.



Tasha G Lim