Let's Talk Suicide

A friend of mine had recently requested for an article about suicide. 

You may be having some thoughts, but you're probably right in saying that a friend of hers had committed suicide. But hey, it's her friend and not yours, so why should you care right? Well, wrong. Here's the thing, this isn't just about her and her friend, it's about all of us as a community and the people we love.

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"Suicide is not an option, it is the solution."

Have you heard of this phrase before? I have and unfortunately, it is a mantra chanted by those who are on the verge of committing it. This article is dedicated not just to those who have had someone dear commit suicide but those who have thoughts about it as well. The attempt is to analyze suicide, discuss the effects and the warning signs as well as possible things we can each do.

Each year, 34,598 people die by suicide and average of 94 suicides are completed every day. It is actually the eleventh-leading cause of death across all ages.  (Source)

So first, let's talk about why people commit suicide.

There are a couple of reasons why suicide becomes the taken path:

1. Depression

This isn't just another prank or excuse given by people who want an easy way out. When someone says they're depressed, they probably aren't joking about it. If anything, look into their eyes and you'll probably see the nights that they've struggled to sleep - a soul that is trapped within this cocoon. 

This comes in a number of formats such as, constantly doubting their existence, their worth. In fact, this is the number one reason that pushes one to suicide.

2. Psychotic

When we say there's a voice talking to us at the back of our minds, we mean it figuratively. But to some, there's an actual voice. It's not spooky and it's not a joke but it is real. Unfortunately, these very people are treated as freaks and causing them to be alone to deal with the voice that constantly brings them down. 

To them, suicide is the only way to shut the voice out.

3. Impulsion

Maybe it's about being "YOLO", maybe it's the sudden bravery that you get after a drink or two. Some of us hide our sadness with layers of masks and when you try to escape through drinks or drugs, all hell breaks loose. 

It's not total impulsion though, it's all their buttons being pressed and they have no other means of letting it all out.

4. It's a sign of help

Maybe by seeing how serious I'm taking this, they'll realize I'm serious as well.

Maybe if I stand at the edge of the roof, they'll stop me. They'll finally start to care.

Thoughts as such aren't out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, some react quite the opposite, shouting at them saying, 'If you dare then jump lah!' And it happens.

5. Seeking Forgiveness

This is different from depression because this is the overwhelming guilt that one feels are doing something wrong. It could be something as drastic as murdering someone or it could be something simple as lying or failing one's own examinations. 

Not everyone can handle the failure of their own self and thus, this is their way of seeking redemption.

6. It's Faster

Dying is inevitable for any one of us. It's bound to happen. But some people find it better to just die earlier. Maybe they want to die young, or just take control of their own lives per se. Usually this applies to those who are sick. Euthanasia is a famous example.

(Source)

The above are some of the reasons that could push one to take the suicide route. 

But is it the only way?

The straight-forward answer is no. 

I'm not sure if you've read this manga known as Rengoku no Karma (Karma of Purgatory). While I've only read the first few chapters, the underlying message is quite obvious from the start.

The main character is bullied in his school and abused by his father. He can no longer take it and thus, commits suicide. However, by doing so, he has ruined 6 lives that are close to him. The death girl then challenges him to save the 6 lives he has caused misfortune upon.

Initially, he thinks its the 6 people who he hates and have bullied him but the truth is, it's 6 other people whose lives he has touched or affected. 

There are a few points that the manga tries to make:

1. Every action we take, every word we say affects one another. It is a ripple effect. It could have either a positive or negative impact on another. 

One of the 6 he has caused misery was a girl who took photographs and she wins an award by accidentally taking a picture of him standing at the edge of the roof. She quits photography as a result and ends up in a car crash because of the guilt. (I won't spoil everything because this isn't the end.)

2. It is not the people who cause us misery that will suffer, but the people who love us. 

When we're in trouble, we often forget that we are loved. We conveniently focus on the bad and believe that there is no one there for us. The act of killing yourself doesn't make things better, but instead, cause misery upon others.

I understand that it is your life, so why bother? You don't owe anyone your life.

But you owe it to yourself to live a better life. 

You owe it to yourself to live.

Have you watched 'The Fault In Our Stars'?

Augustus likes having a pack of cigarettes in his pocket and he likes putting one in his mouth occasionally but he never lights it. Why?

For him, the cigarettes are the one thing he has power/control over. He determines whether the cigarette will shorten his life or kill him.

"They don't kill you until you light them."

In my opinion, this is one of the best symbolisms/imagery/allegory that I've come across. It's simple yet the message is there.

You see, you're surrounded by things that could possible kill you or harm your life. Take Final Destination for example - they manage to make the most mundane objects seem lethal. But ultimately, you decide whether you pull the trigger or not.

All kinds of shit is going to happen in our lives.

But does that mean we let it pull us down?

The answer is no.

You fight.

And I know we get tired, I know there are some situations whereby you can't just escape.

So here are some solutions which I hope will help. If you have anymore, please share.

1. Talk to your family or friends.

The most rudimentary solution yet not always practised. Talking with someone always helps. But remember, after you talk to someone, do something about it. Things won't change with just talking but it will help you think things through and to have someone share the burden with you is an enormous relief.

2. Maybe a stranger to talk to?

Befrienders is always around. Feel free to call them and talk to someone about your situation. They may be able to suggest how to help you out.

3. Report the Abuse

If you are being abused, please help yourself by reporting the incident. No good comes out of staying silent. It may seem scary but please do it. The recent child was beaten up by the school warden is a tragic incident that I hope never occurs again.

If you're a reader and you want to help, pay attention to the signs.

The discussion about suicide is the first box. If they start to make wills, or say goodbyes, then that's more harmless warnings. But if they withdraw themselves from society, have self-destructing behaviours or even a sudden sense of calmness, be a kind soul and ask if they're okay. Take them out for a meal or a drink.

Please do not use reverse-psychology because more often than not, it backfires. Do not push someone to commit suicide. Do not dare them.

Finally, I'd just like to say that, suicide is undeniably an option but I believe it is NOT the solution.

Love,

Tasha G Lim